Directed by Fred Olen RayYou know the movie you're about to watch is going to be awesome when the first thing that pops onto the screen is a warning about how "The CHAINSAWS (yes, all in capital letters) used in this motion picture are REAL and DANGEROUS! It goes on talking about how said-chainsaws are handled by seasoned "PROFFESSIONALS." The chuckle comes at the very end of the advisement when the signature reads: "My Conscious is Clear, Signed Fred Olen Ray."
The movie begins with an interview of one of the hookers : Lori, who is played by Dawn Wildsmith, appears only once more during the film which is a shame because she truly is one of the more interesting characters. The bleached-white hair, the bubblegum-chewing attitude, and the rather high pitched voice rounds out the one-time catholic-schoolgirl-turned-Chainsaw-Hooker. The voice offscreen asks her to tell us exactly what happened. She goes on about how she took her clothes off before taking his clothes off. Lurid acts followed. But when the John refused to pay his bill, she reaches for one of her other toys. The chainsaw is revealed, revving it up before we go into the opening credits. This sets the mood for things to come. It's not like I'm expecting miracles but any movie that begins with a hooker talking about her hot date that somehow ended up with a chainsaw massacre... Well, let's just say, it's hard for me to be objective.
After the intro, we're taken to a shot of L.A. and Jay Richardson's voice plays over the setting sun. He plays Jack Chandler, the down and out detective who's view of the City of Angels is anything but divine. By the way, the quality of the film is grainy and it helps preserve the grindhouse feel. I definitely wouldn't want a re-mastered version of this but then I frown upon those who do. Enter Michelle Bauer who plays "Mercedes", one of the chainsaw wielding scarlets. She successfully ensnares Bo who ends up being victim no.1 in the movie. Mercedes has a thing for Elvis and The King can be heard on the radio as she begins sticking plastic sheets up against the wall, claiming that she "sometimes gets carried away." This is after she has stripped naked by the way. Michelle Bauer is downright intense in this scene. She reminded me of Linda Blair in Savage Streets who was equally intense and even scary at times as she enacted her revenge on those who raped her mute-deaf sister.
She goes on to saw Bo into pieces while Gunnar Hansen of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame satisfies his voyeuristic tendencies as he watches from the window. This happens in the first five minutes into the movie and once again I find it difficult to remain objective. It's obviously a low-budget film and while there's only four kills in the movie, it makes up for it
with a horde of topless hookers. Having said that, the "gore" remains cheeky and fun.
Back to Jack who explains that the cops have found several pieces that seem to be coming up from the sewers. A serial killer perhaps? It doesn't really matter, see, because Jack Chandler is on a missing-person case. He's after a missing girl, played by Scream-Queen Linnea Quigley, who apparently got "bounced off of a daddy's knee one too many times." I like Jay Richardson in this flick. His voice and demeanor are what you'd expect from a unshaven, down on his luck private dick. He also narrates most of the flick, often manipulating what actually happened during certain scenes in hopes of making himself sound like a much bigger bad-ass than he actually is. For instance, one of his one-night stands wakes just in time to catch him sneaking out. She flips him the bird and spews her venom but Jack's voice talks about how "she had that longing look in her eyes.... tears weld up in her eyes as I walked out the door." He also sports several memorable quotes that would give Bruce Campbell a run for his money (by the by, I think Richardson was attempting to channel Campbell throughout the gig and to some extent, succeeds). With lines like, "What do you do, pray to Black & Decker?" it's hard not to at least smirk.
A series of clues finally leads him to the ancient Egyptian death cult responsible for plugging up the sewer system with severed body parts. Death cults usually offer up sacrifices, right? Well, this one is no exception. The only thing that puzzled me is that I don't recall anyone mentioning WHY they were sacrificing Johns to the Chainsaw-Gods, but alas, who are we to question the Higher Power? Right. Plot hole? Maybe. The final scene takes place in the temple (where else?) where Linnea Quigley really shines. Every sacrifice must have it's rituals and this one includes "The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws." Remember folks, the chainsaws are REAL! And my fondness of Linnea Quigley grows. Forget that she's nude and tattooed. But the fact that she was able to pull off a dance with two running chainsaws and make it look sexy solidifies her standing as a B-movie legend.
In the end, none of the people involved took the production too seriously and neither should you. While the acting is sub-par (Gunnar was especially useless here, appearing for several brief moments and two longer shots - he feels a little less "high priest" and a lot more "Oh crap, I don't know how to act!") and the story unfolds without any crazy plot twists. Actually, there's one. But it's not exactly a shocker. Still... Hollywood.... Chainsaw.... Hookers. It's great fun and most definitely worth a watch if you like exploitation cinema. And chainsaws. And hookers.
The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws:
She goes on to saw Bo into pieces while Gunnar Hansen of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fame satisfies his voyeuristic tendencies as he watches from the window. This happens in the first five minutes into the movie and once again I find it difficult to remain objective. It's obviously a low-budget film and while there's only four kills in the movie, it makes up for it
with a horde of topless hookers. Having said that, the "gore" remains cheeky and fun.Back to Jack who explains that the cops have found several pieces that seem to be coming up from the sewers. A serial killer perhaps? It doesn't really matter, see, because Jack Chandler is on a missing-person case. He's after a missing girl, played by Scream-Queen Linnea Quigley, who apparently got "bounced off of a daddy's knee one too many times." I like Jay Richardson in this flick. His voice and demeanor are what you'd expect from a unshaven, down on his luck private dick. He also narrates most of the flick, often manipulating what actually happened during certain scenes in hopes of making himself sound like a much bigger bad-ass than he actually is. For instance, one of his one-night stands wakes just in time to catch him sneaking out. She flips him the bird and spews her venom but Jack's voice talks about how "she had that longing look in her eyes.... tears weld up in her eyes as I walked out the door." He also sports several memorable quotes that would give Bruce Campbell a run for his money (by the by, I think Richardson was attempting to channel Campbell throughout the gig and to some extent, succeeds). With lines like, "What do you do, pray to Black & Decker?" it's hard not to at least smirk.
A series of clues finally leads him to the ancient Egyptian death cult responsible for plugging up the sewer system with severed body parts. Death cults usually offer up sacrifices, right? Well, this one is no exception. The only thing that puzzled me is that I don't recall anyone mentioning WHY they were sacrificing Johns to the Chainsaw-Gods, but alas, who are we to question the Higher Power? Right. Plot hole? Maybe. The final scene takes place in the temple (where else?) where Linnea Quigley really shines. Every sacrifice must have it's rituals and this one includes "The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws." Remember folks, the chainsaws are REAL! And my fondness of Linnea Quigley grows. Forget that she's nude and tattooed. But the fact that she was able to pull off a dance with two running chainsaws and make it look sexy solidifies her standing as a B-movie legend.
In the end, none of the people involved took the production too seriously and neither should you. While the acting is sub-par (Gunnar was especially useless here, appearing for several brief moments and two longer shots - he feels a little less "high priest" and a lot more "Oh crap, I don't know how to act!") and the story unfolds without any crazy plot twists. Actually, there's one. But it's not exactly a shocker. Still... Hollywood.... Chainsaw.... Hookers. It's great fun and most definitely worth a watch if you like exploitation cinema. And chainsaws. And hookers.
The Virgin Dance of the Double Chainsaws:
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